Zycantival Grand Prix 6

Zycantival Grand Prix 6, also known as The Queue II: No Girls Allowed or simply The Queue II, is the sixth edition of the Zycantival Grand Prix, the national selection event to determine the Zycantian representative in the Maia Song Contest. It was hosted in Poliana on 4 January 2017, in the Shaniqua Diva Fantasy Arena. The winner will represent Zycantia in the Maia Song Contest 6. The competition follows the same format as the Zycantival Grand Prix 5, the first edition of The Queue.

Format Change
Following the international success of The Queue, Shaniqua "Shaniqua Diva" Stevic announced that it would take place again. Once again, the format would be a television show streamed live on PornHub, following an agreement made with its owner Miranda Cosgrove, who is on amicable terms with Shaniqua Diva, whose videos are always among the most watched on the website. The show will feature a constant stream of hopefuls performing to earn the right to represent Zycantia at the Maia Song Contest 6, with no breaks or intermissions. Shaniqua Diva told reporters that she would be "peeing in a bottle under the desk to save time" and "to keep viewing figures at a constant level".

After Xhesika Ndoj and Kallashi won the first edition of The Queue with their song "Shoqe Bitch", Shaniqua Diva was criticised for "blatant sexism" and favouring female singers. A male vocalist was yet to represent Zycantia in the Maia Song Contest after five editions. Shaniqua Diva was also heavily criticised by Brillianian extremist groups for "promoting lesbianism" after selecting Ndoj and Kallashi. In response to these accusations, Shaniqua Diva announced that only male singers would be allowed to compete in the second edition, "to prove that there are men in Zycantia and they can probably sing". Shaniqua Diva tweeted that she had "low expectations" for finding a suitable representative.

The contest is open to any male contestants, including non-Zycantian residents, with contestants given 24 hours to fill a 20-page 6-hour long application. After this period, random.org assigned a number from 1 to 6,786,724 to the 6,786,724 confirmed participants, who were then asked to form The Queue in order, starting at the Shaniqua Diva Fantasy Arena in Poliana and leading around the beaches of Viridia to circle the entire island. In a shock announcement, the number of confirmed entries was the exact same as the inaugural edition of The Queue. The participants would then perform in order, one by one, with the show continuing until Shaniqua Diva decided that one of the participants was worthy of representing Zycantia, meaning that the competition could end abruptly with no notice.

Shaniqua Diva stipulated that women would be allowed to compete as featured artists or backing dancers or vocalists but would not be allowed to compete as main singers. Leaked footage from Shaniqua Diva XXL Comfort Dildo Tower - Shaniqua Diva's headquarters - showed Shaniqua Diva telling her employees that a song with a featured female artist would likely win, as "Zycantia cannot hope to achieve a good result otherwise".

Natasha Bogdanova
The first artist to audition was Natasha Bogdanova, performing her song "Hello". Shaniqua Diva told Bogdanova that she was "clearly not a dude" and was "an idiot for applying and an idiot for writing such an awful song". Bogdanova told Shaniqua Diva that she should not exclude female performers just because other people told her to. Shaniqua Diva said that she would "do whatever I fucking want" and requested that Bogdanova not audition ever again. Bogdanova was removed from the premises by security, with Shaniqua Diva wondering how and why random.org had placed Bogdanova first in the queue in both editions.

Delta Duderem
The second artist was Delta Duderem, performing the song "Wings". Shaniqua Diva was very impressed by the performance, jumping onto her table and twerking her ass to the performance. However, as Delta Duderem performed the complex choreography, his fake wig and moustache came off, revealing that he was actually Delta Goodrem. Shaniqua Diva applauded Goodrem's performance, labelling it "a masterpiece". However, she did not want to send Goodrem to the Maia Song Contest 6 as she "is definitely a woman and I need to prove we have men in this country too".

Stefjan Kaysic ft. Egine
The third performance came from Stefjan Kaysic and Egine, performing their new song "In My Mouth". The background featured a PornHub video of Shaniqua Diva sucking dick as Kaysic and Egine sang the lyrics "I want it, aaahhh, I need it, aaahhh, right now, aaahhh, in my mouth, cum". The song was allegedly about sucking dick, with Kaysic revealing after the performance that "I'm not gay but I need to appeal to the Maia Song Contest fans" and Egine revealing that "both of us have blowjob lips but only one of us is willing to admit that we use them". Shaniqua Diva applauded them for their performance, especially their choice of background, but revealed that they would not be going to the Maia Song Contest as "there's no point sending a dude if he ain't even Zycantian" but encouraged Egine to participate in future editions of The Queue, as she was "extremely talented".

Marta Fiercebitch
The fourth person to audition was Marta Fiercebitch, singing the song "Barnhouse". Singing about the joys of barnhouse sex, Fiercebitch stripped down to her underwear and finished her performance with a cover of Kallashi jingling her bells. Shaniqua Diva stated that Fiercebitch has "a promising future in the pornography and prostitution industries" but could not represent Zycantia as she was female. Fiercebitch revealed that "some people think I am lesbian, this is close enough" and while Shaniqua Diva considered the proposal, ultimately decided she wanted to find a male singer.

Oscar Zia
Oscar Zia was fifth in the queue, performing his song "Human". Shaniqua Diva stated that Zia is "hot" and "very hot" and "fucking hot" and "extremely hot tbh" but believed that he is "too hot for the Maia Song Contest", worried that by sending Zia, fans would demand to see more Zycantian men in future editions, with Shaniqua Diva revealing that she did not want to send a man for "at least 24074 editions after this one". Shaniqua Diva asked Zia to pass along a gift basket with a range of Shaniqua Diva XXL Comfort Dildos to his husband Aanto Aalto, the reigning Glamazon of Zycantia.

Zac Martavic
Zac Martavic was the sixth person to perform, singing his new song "Lazy No More". Martavic sang about how helping build a school in the slums of Tanviqua cured his lazyitis and made him appreciate life. Shaniqua Diva told him to "take your OTTPPP5 sob story to another reality show because I don't fucking care". Zac Martavic left and thanked Shaniqua Diva for agreeing to make a handsome donation to his Stop Lazyitis cause. Shaniqua Diva responded by tweeting a GIF of Aaryn Gries saying "I don't remember saying those things".

Anthony Pakora
The seventh performer was Anthony Pakora, singing his song "Locker Room". Pakora sang the lyrics, "All alone in the locker room, I can finally change without nosy eyes. All alone in the locker room, I don't have to worry about spies." Fans speculated that the song was about Pakora's excitement at Zac Martavic graduating school, as he would no longer be watched by some thirsty gay in the locker room. Shaniqua Diva told Pakora that avoiding sex is very un-Zycantian and should be frowned upon. Now if you were to actually stick your dick in Zac Martavic's ass and write a song about it, I would send you to the Maia Song Contest. Pakora denied Shaniqua Diva's request, leaving the arena. Photographs of Pakora as he left the arena showed him texting a mysterious contact named Z, capturing him typing the message, "I want your dick in me tonight." Shaniqua Diva took to Twitter and posted, "Hope @AnthonyNotGay didn't turn me down just because he's a bottom. #thequeue2" Pakora replied to the tweet by saying, "What's a bottom?"

Ming Kandovic
Ming Kandovic was the eighth person in the queue, performing her song "Paloma". Kandovic's song was allegedly a ballad about her long lost love Paloma Soto-Castillo. Shaniqua Diva was unmoved by the performance, choosing to put on earmuffs and finger herself instead. Once Kandovic finished, Shaniqua Diva told her that "even though you might actually be a dude, you are a talentless piece of trash". Ming Kandovic told reporters that Shaniqua Diva was "clearly racist against Asians". Shaniqua Diva responded by releasing a new Shaniqua Diva Exclusive Home Movie in which she dominated an Asian fuckboy.

Tanvir Alam
The leader of Tanviqua - Tanvir Alam - was ninth in the queue, performing his song "Kill Viridia, Kill Shaniqua". The song featured exceptionally profane lyrics directed towards Shaniqua Diva as well as the entirety of Viridia, coinciding with the ongoing Viridian-Tanviquan War. An uninterested Shaniqua Diva decided to pleasure herself with a Shaniqua Diva XXL Comfort Dildo while the performance went on, asking all cameramen to film her instead. Towards the end of the performance, Alam produced a gun and attempted to shoot Shaniqua Diva. Security guards quickly swarmed on Alam, detaining him. Shaniqua Diva appeared unharmed, telling viewers on the live PornHub stream that Shaniqua Diva XXL Comfort Dildos are now bulletproof. Alam was taken to Poliana Police Station with Shaniqua Diva revealing that he would "probably be executed" but was eager to choose a Zycantian representative for the Maia Song Contest 6 first.

David Meow
The tenth person in the queue was David Meow, performing his song "Get You Back". The song was about winning back the affections of a male lover. Many viewers on the live PornHub stream speculated that the song was about Zac Martavic. Meow's performance featured him stripping to his underwear and flexing his biceps. Shaniqua Diva commented that he "obviously has great guns" but did not want to send him to the Maia Song Contest, believing that the song was "gayer than Zac Martavic and Aanto Aalto put together". Shaniqua Diva believed that Meow should "stick to bodybuilding and whoring himself out to the gays" and "leave the singing to the professionals". Shaniqua Diva also offered Meow a raise in his current Shaniqua's XXX Fantasy Parlour position.

Trish Hegarty
The Zycantian President Trish Hegarty was eleventh in the queue, performing her slutpop song "Shake My Melons". Hegarty sang about shaking her boobs and making dicks rise when she walked into the room in her bathing suit. Shaniqua Diva called the performance "inspirational" and asked Hegarty to perform the song "at least once a week" at slutpop seminars at Shaniqua Diva University. Shaniqua Diva revealed that she "definitely would've selected Hegarty if she wasn't a woman". Hegarty later revealed that "I'm really a man" but Shaniqua Diva did not believe her, revealing that "you should own your sexual femininity that so few people are blessed with". Trish Hegarty told reporters that a music video for "Shake My Melons" would be released in the following week.

Broods
Zycantian duo and Maia Song Contest 3 representatives Broods were twelfth in the queue, performing their song "Conscious". Shaniqua Diva was obviously impressed, revealing that "the song is darker than my flawless skin". Shaniqua Diva revealed that "there are too much female vocals" and told vocalist Georgia to "let your brother sing even though you are clearly the superior sibling". Shaniqua Diva revealed that Broods would "obviously return to the Maia Song Contest one day" because of their "undeniable talent" but wanted to prove that the country had male vocalists too. The duo left the auditions and told reporters that they would be back "bigger and better than the new line of Shaniqua Diva XXL Comfort Dildos". Shaniqua Diva responded by claiming that "there is nothing bigger or better than a Shaniqua Diva XXL Comfort Dildo but thank you for the free promotion".

Evan
After a cyber terrorism attack by the Tanviquan government, the thirteenth audition took place, featuring a singer named Evan performing the song "Church Boys". Shaniqua Diva revealed that she was excited by the song name, hoping that the song was about "church boys gone bad or some sort of church pornography video", before promoting Submissive Priests: A Shaniqua Diva Exclusive Home Movie. Evan's song proved to be about chastity and "waiting until marriage to fuck your hot girlfriend Kandace". Shaniqua Diva told him to "get some morals" and provided him with DVD copies of her entire life work in the pornography industry in order to cure his "gigantic problems". Evan told reporters that his parents would require the pornography to be burned immediately.

Xavier
The fourteenth audition featured a performer named Xavier singing the song "Interracial". Shaniqua Diva was once again excited by the song title, telling viewers that her latest interracial pornography video Chocolate & Vanilla Swirl: A Shaniqua Diva Exclusive Home Movie was now available on the Shaniqua's XXX Fantasy Parlour website. Xavier sang about the joys of interracial sex and the gigantic body parts that it involved, singing about an experience with a girl named Kandace. Shaniqua Diva said that the song was "mostly amazing" but was "disappointed at the amount of STDs you clearly possess". Shaniqua Diva told Xavier that he could not go to the Maia Song Contest because "giving STDs to other contestants could make us lose points" and she needed to "whore a clean dude out in exchange for points". Shaniqua Diva offered Xavier three packs of extra large condoms as a consolation prize. Xavier later told reporters that he did not have any STDs and that Shaniqua Diva was mistaken.

Riley
The fifteenth performer was a singer named Riley performing his song "Accent". The song was about how sexy men with British accents are, which prompted Shaniqua Diva to promote British Boytoys: A Shaniqua Diva Exclusive Home Movie. The song featured the controversial lyrics "Kandace, I'll kill the queen and make them worship you". Shaniqua Diva stated that the lyrics were "highly controversial because it might trigger half of the MBU" and that "British accents are overrated - I prefer ghetto black slum accents like my own". Shaniqua Diva gave Riley a collection of Shaniqua Diva Elite Masturbators to "pleasure yourself since this relationship clearly won't last". Riley later told reporters that he and Kandace were indeed no longer together but the song was "too good to pass up".

Garrett
The sixteenth performer was named Garrett and he sang the song "Unforgettable". Shaniqua Diva pointed out that the recent release of Pacifying Puppies: A Shaniqua Diva Exclusive Home Movie would also be "an unforgettable viewing experience". The song was about how unforgettable a night of sex with him was, singing the lyrics "I'll make you think about me every time you take a dick". Shaniqua Diva was thoroughly unimpressed with the performance, revealing that Garrett is "clearly delusional" and that she was "sure that your girlfriends have fucked thousands of men since breaking up with you". Shaniqua Diva offered Garrett a series of supplies from the Shaniqua Diva Bondage Equipment line, informing him that he must "spice things up if you want people to remember you in the bedroom". As he left the arena, Garrett revealed to reporters that the song was about Kandace Sydney.

Chase
The seventeenth performer was an army officer named Chase, performing the song "Invasion". Shaniqua Diva told viewers that those interested in military sex would enjoy Invade My Base Camp: A Shaniqua Diva Exclusive Home Movie. The beginning of the song was about invading enemy countries, with Shaniqua Diva revealing that it may be used as motivation for Viridian troops throughout the Viridian-Tanviquan War. However, the song soon turned into a slutpop routine about invading a girl named Kandace's pants. Shaniqua Diva was utterly revolted by the change of pace, revealing to Chase that "you have less class than I do". Shaniqua Diva offered Chase a Shaniqua Diva Super Shooter - a dildo-shaped gun that shoots white bullets - in order to "help kill the Tanviquan traitors or fuck yourself, whichever you like". Chase was disappointed but left the arena to go fight in the ongoing Viridian-Tanviquan War with Shaniqua Diva Super Shooter in hand.

Chris
The eighteenth performer was a singer named Chris, singing the song "The One". Shaniqua Diva revealed that she had not yet found "the one", despite dating singer Adelén but she had found "the three" in the recently released Triple Penetration Party: A Shaniqua Diva Exclusive Home Movie. The song was about a girl named Kandace finally meeting the love of her life, a handsome medical professional from a rich and influential family and making him happy to satisfy his father - a medical school professor - to help her pass medical school. Shaniqua Diva revealed that the song was "very touching" but informed Chris that "your girlfriend will leave you as soon as she finds a dude with a bigger dick or a bigger paycheck". Chris did not heed Shaniqua Diva's warning, informing her that they would "be together forever". Shaniqua Diva offered him a gift voucher to purchase any whore of his choice from a Shaniqua's XXX Fantasy Parlour branch once his "doomed relationship finally ends, or sooner if desired". Chris told reporters that his relationship was strong and he would not need to use Shaniqua Diva's gift, vowing to "pass it on to the son or daughter Kandace and I will inevitably have".

Loïc Nottet
The nineteenth singer to perform was Loïc Nottet, singing the song "Million Eyes". Shaniqua Diva was moved by the performance, telling viewers that she has "much more than a million eyes on me at all times" and completely understood Nottet's message. Following the conclusion of the performance, Shaniqua Diva announced that she would be sending Nottet to the Maia Song Contest 6 as his song was "a perfect demonstration of male talent in Zycantia and it is also obviously about Shaniqua Diva". Nottet was thrilled and told reporters that he would attempt to repay the confidence Shaniqua Diva has placed in him.

Shutdown Of Sex Reassignment Clinics
Following the announcement that only men would be allowed to compete in this edition of the Zycantival Grand Prix, sex reassignment clinics across Zycantia received record numbers of patients. With the concern that many of their patients would make a decision they would later regret, sex reassignment clinics across the country voluntarily shut themselves down. Shaniqua Diva later released a statement saying that "growing a dick ain't gonna help you win". Shaniqua Diva's comments were met with heavy criticism from LGBT advocacy groups, to which Shaniqua Diva responded, "The gays need to stop turning against me since I am a gay icon and literally sell manwhores for affordable prices." This response seemed to appease Shaniqua Diva's critics.

Tanviquan Cyber Terrorism
Following the twelfth audition by Zycantian duo Broods, the live PornHub stream was hacked and the feed from the Shaniqua Diva Fantasy Arena was replaced with an endless loop of Tanvir Alam wanking in front of a Tanviquan flag. These events coincided with the ongoing Viridian-Tanviquan War and Shaniqua Diva accused the Tanviquan government of "sabotage and jealousy". The hack was found to originate from Tanviqua and after five minutes, Shaniqua Diva's "computer nerds" overrode the hack and replaced the footage with Finger Explorers: A Shaniqua Diva Exclusive Home Movie, starring Shaniqua Diva and Anthony Pakora. As the computer nerds worked overnight to restore the live feed from within Shaniqua Diva Fantasy Arena, Shaniqua Diva informed The Queue participants that they "must wait in the queue or they forfeit their turn". Shaniqua Diva used the delay to film a new pornographic film within Shaniqua Diva Fantasy Arena. The production is set to be released after the conclusion of The Queue II and allegedly stars Zac Martavic and Trish Hegarty alongside Shaniqua Diva.

Alleged Arkaystian Bribing
Following the announcement that Loïc Nottet had won the competition, the Arkaystian delegation allegedly called Shaniqua Diva and asked her to change her mind and enter Natasha Bogdanova with the song "Hello" instead. Shaniqua Diva allegedly told the Arkaystian delegation that "Zycantia does not just enter songs that our neighbours wank over". The Arkaystian delegation pointed out that the entry of Xhesika Ndoj and Kallashi in the Maia Song Contest 5 served that very purpose. When asked about the rumours, Shaniqua Diva told reporters that "Arkaystia is clearly fucked because no self-respecting country would support Natasha Bogdanova". Shaniqua Diva also revealed that Natasha Bogdanova would enter the Maia Song Contest "over my stunning dead body".